Cheesy Goodness- Favorite Things
February 25, 2016
Spring 2016 Tie Dye Trend – How To Wear Over 40
February 29, 2016
Words are powerful for building and tearing down relationships. There are some things your husband needs to hear you say.
You eventually hit that point where you’ve spent more of your life with your spouse than any other person in your life. At 26 years of marriage, my husband and I whizzed past that milestone several years ago.
Quite frankly, it amazes me that 26 years is now considered a significant achievement. While I don’t think I deserve a gold medal for going the distance, I do believe these two and a half decades have taught me a few things about making a relationship work.
One big lesson I’ve learned over the years is that people don’t make very good mind readers. As the years pass by, it’s easy to become so comfortable and accustomed to your spouse that you just assume he knows how you feel about him. I mean, hey you’ve stuck around this long…surely he knows how important he is to you!
But assumptions don’t make for the clearest communication. Our married life can end up mirroring those predictable movie plots propelled by words left unsaid. Where would the typical romantic plot line be without misunderstandings and unspoken sentiments?
However, aren’t we guilty of doing the very same thing in our all-too-real lives? Strong relationships require clear communication. This keeps both parties on clear footing.
8 Things Your Husband Needs To Hear You Say
I wrote a post a while back, Small Acts Of Love Build Strong Relationships. In that post I listed these 8 things as a part of a longer post, so I’m coming back to elaborate a little more on the significance of each.
1. Compliment his appearance in a specific targeted way.
We don’t have too much trouble envisioning a woman’s interest in her appearance. But what about men? Now, your husband may not care one lick how others view him, but he cares about what you think; whether he ever voices it or not.
Let him know that you still love the way he looks. Tell him when you like a particular color or style on him…there’s a good chance you’ll start seeing it more often. Your husband needs to hear you say that he’s still got it!
2. Tell him how much you appreciate it when he does some simple task for you.
It’s so easy to take little things for granted. But, if you sat down to make a list, you might quickly discover that all those little things add up to a whole lot! Let him know how considerate it is of him to scrape the windshield on icy mornings, so you don’t have to or that he stops on the way home to pick up a loaf of bread.
3. Take notice of his accomplishments; big and small.
His contribution to the family shouldn’t only be financial. It’s important that he sees how his talents and skills help on the home front as well.
My husband knows how much I hate confrontation. So, he’s usually the one who handles the service calls to the internet company when we lose service. He knows how to get things done and I make sure to tell him that. It’s not a huge thing in the scheme of life, but he deals with those little frustration that can seem pretty huge at the time.
4. Point out his strengths.
The world can have a way of beating us up. Your home should be a safe place where he doesn’t have to prove a thing. Build him up by pointing out his strengths and skills. Even if he’s facing trouble at work or is feeling undervalued, he can know you recognize what he has to bring to the table. The more you say it, the more he’ll believe it. Your husband needs to hear you say that you believe in him.
5. Brag about him in public.
Let him hear you bragging to someone else about something he’s done. Remember, if you’re a team, his success is your success. The opposite is also true, if you belittle or tear him down in public, you end up looking bad in the process. After all, you are the one who chose to marry him. Your husband needs to hear you say you’re proud of him in public.
6. Compliment him on how he interacts with your kids.
Husbands recognize how important mamas are to their kids. But, they also want to feel like they are making a significant contribution to the family, even when the kids are grown and gone.
My kids share characteristics of both of us. But every now and then my husband just clicks with something they’re going through. He’s able to share and relate to them in a way I can’t, so I make sure to point out when he’s made a special connection that I couldn’t.
7. Build him up in front of your kids.
It’s OK to say that Dad knows more about something than you do. Moms don’t have to have all the answers. Let your kids hear you tell stories of cool things your husband did to win your heart and how he continues to do so.
8. Give him opportunities to be indispensable.
Sometimes it’s just easier to do everything yourself. You think you’re making things easier for everyone by not asking for help. But, relationships are meant to be two-way. So, don’t be afraid to ask him to do something for you and tell him how much you appreciate that he does it.
It’s hard to live with an island.
Catch all my posts by subscribing with your email in the right side bar or Follow with Bloglovin’! Also, check out the other fabulous lifestyle linkups I’m joining this week – My Linkups!
20 Comments
Wonderful tips that every wife should hear. They (we) should not take these for granted.
Thank you for bringing your post to Blogger’s Pit Stop.
I am recommending yours is this week’s featured post, but you are not on my comment schedule, so I can’t make any promises, but I do love your post.
Janice, Your Pit Stop Crew
Thanks Janice, I am so glad you enjoyed it!
I know all these wise points but it is so good to have a refresher and reminder so that we don’t slip into your early point of thinking they should know we appreciate them.
Truly great advice, Shellie! Tweeted, too. So nice to co-host with you at #OMHGWW.
One thing I learned from my parents was to always show a united front. My husband really appreciates that as my children live with us and when I back him up in front of them, he feels acknowledged and respected. I may not agree with him but I address that in private. Great post Shellie and thanks again for sharing this with us on #blogsharelearn
Yep, a united front is very important and it really does show mutual respect between parents.
lovely post, Shellie..duly noted. Although I have been married for only 12 years now but I guess this will be perfect for all couples 🙂
Yes Indah, it doesn’t matter if you’ve been married 10 years or 50, it’s all about communication and the give-and-take between the husband and wife.
This is an awesome list. I was kind of hard on my hubs yesterday because he gave me his funky cold…of course, I feel bad now, and I know it wasn’t intentional. I think I’ll spoil him a little today. We’re celebrating 17 years this month! 🙂
Happy Anniversary! Colds are not one of the things I prefer to share with my husband 😉
Thank you for this great list! I especially love “give him opportunities to be indispensable.” When my husband and I first got together I had been single for a long time and was so used to doing things on my own that I rarely gave him the chance to help me or do things for me. I thought I was being a bother if I asked for his help. He finally told me how much it means to him when I need his help and that he enjoys being able to do things for me, even if it’s just as simple as opening a jar! And, as an added bonus, once he opens the jar for me I have the chance to brag about how strong he is 🙂 Thanks for the words of wisdom!
Exactly!! It’s all about give and take when it comes to building and maintaining a loving relationship. Thanks so much for stopping by to say hi!
Great tips! It is easy to get buried in the details of everyday life and forget to compliment the person going through it with you. Thanks for the reminder.
Yes Carlee, it is very easy to get distracted by our many to-do’s! But ultimately, it all means nothing if we don’t nurture the relationships that make life worth living.
Great reminders, Shellie. We’ll be married 32 years in April. Your post reminded me to tell my husband how much I appreciate all the work he has been doing to make sure everything in my parent’s house is in working order while we are trying to sell it. It made his day.
Aww, I’m glad, Cathy. Our men do so much for us and that’s usually how they show their love.
Great post, Shellie. Happily, I do all of these with my husband of two years. Second time around marriages make it much easier to focus on each other. Great reminder of the importance of marriage and making it last!
Thanks Terri, it all starts and ends with the little things.
Shellie, this is right on point and beautiful. Very simple, but so easily forgotten. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Regina!